Nobody Not Really Cledism
by missingyourlaugh
Summary: Cloe is the best student at school. But being bullied around at school, without having friends, is killing her from the inside the only way to control her pain is to cut herself. When she has to do a project with Ved. Will he help her?
1. Default Chapter

**Hello everybody.**

**I once posted this story before but never finished this. I hope you still would like to read it. Please read and review. Critique is always welcome! Just one thing. English is not my native language. Dutch is. So sorry if there are spelling mistakes. I'm doing my best! I hope you enjoy.**

**NOBODY NOT REALLY**

**Summary:** Cloe Mills is a great student at school; she has the best grades in her year. But being bullied around at school, without having friends, is killing her from the inside; the only way to control her pain is to cut herself. When Ved Wright who despises Cloe, has to work on a project with her, he notices that she isn't so bad after all, and when nobody watches and they are behind closed doors they become friends, and he learns some horrible things about her.  
Can he help her facing her fears, even when his own feelings are getting in the way?

**Disclaimer:** Ved and Cloe belong to cloud9. The plot is mine though!

**Default chapter.**

Staring off in space Cloe Mills learned not to speak in class until she was asked a question from the teacher. She would always have gotten whispers behind her back every time she answered a question and everybody would just laugh at her when that answer wasn't correct.  
She sunk back in her chair and looked out of the window where a few children were sitting on the field. Chattering and laughing about nothing in particular. How Cloe desired to be one of those, to just sit there between them…having them as friends. But she didn't…she didn't have any friends.

Suddenly a note was lying on her table and Cloe looked around to see who it could have been from. She took it and with shaken hands unfolded it.

_'Enjoyed your lunch today? I hope you didn't mind us spilling the milk all over you. I'm awfully clumsy…SORRY!'_  
Cloe grimaced at the note and recognized Patsy's handwriting. She looked to her right and saw Patsy silently scribbling notes in her notebook. Patsy looked up when she felt a pair of eyes on her and smirked when she met Cloe's brown eyes. Cloe just glared at her and ripped the note apart. Patsy hysterically started laughing and soon the whole class turned around.

"Care to explain what you are laughing about Patsy?" The teacher asked her angry.

"Oh, no nothing. Cloe just made a very funny joke." Patsy said.  
Cloe's head snapped up and switched looks between Patsy and her teacher, who was now looking angry at her.

"CLOE MILLS, I WANT YOU TO LEAVE THIS CLASSROOM RIGHT NOW!" The teacher shouted.

Cloe looked one last time at Patsy who was just sitting there grinning. She sighed and grabbed her books, shoved her chair back and stood up. With big steps she disappeared out of the classroom and went off to meet the principal of the school.

Hurriedly closing the door of her bathroom and locking it. She rummaged through a dresser until she found the thing that she was looking for: her razor.  
'Perfect' she thought and wiped the tears from her eyes that kept on coming. She seated herself on the ground and lifted her sleeve up which now revealed her scarred arm.  
"I swear this will be the last time." She whispered softly to herself as she put the razor on her arm and slowly carved it. She enjoyed the pain that she felt and leaned her head back and cried. She looked back at her arm and saw the blood dripping onto the bathroom floor; she grabbed a towel and pushed it harshly against her arm, trying to stop her arm from bleeding. The towel was soon red, and her arm had stopped bleeding after a few minutes. She stood up and looked at herself in the mirror.  
Her eyes were red from the crying and her mascara was smeared all over her cheeks. She didn't care; she didn't care for anything in this world anymore.  
How her parents had shipped her off on this fucking boarding school where she had to stay for a large part of the year. She would never see them because they were always too busy with work.  
How nobody would stick up for her when she was again being bullied around. They would just stand there and look or they would just walk away. How Cloe wanted them to help her, to say something about it all. To stop her daily pain. But they never would, she was left to deal with it herself and she hated their coward ness.


	2. Don’t humiliate me

**Chapter 1: Don't humiliate me**

Ved Wright walked through the empty halls, he was late for class again, but he never really cared. He could afford it with his grades that were one of the highest in his year. But there was only one person that kept him from being the best: Cloe Mills. God, how he had hated that girl for years now, she would always have just a higher grate and then that stupid smile of her which made his stomach turn. How his father thought low of him because he was beaten by a girl while he should be the best.  
He hated his own father, his father was a big businessman who invented an anti-virus programme for the computer, and expected Ved to become as big as him. His parents divorced when he was 8 and his mother re-married when he was 10 years old. He never saw his mother anymore, a part because he hated his mother's new husband and a part because he also couldn't stand her.

He pushed the door open to the classroom without knocking and slumped to his desk and threw his bag on the table, feeling eyes all over him.  
He sunk back in his stool and his eyes narrowed to the person next to him, that's when he saw that he was sitting right next to _her._ She stared at him with her big brown eyes but quickly looked away when he noticed her staring.

"Just great." He murmured to himself and opened his bag and searched for his book.

Cloe rolled her eyes and scribbled something in a book, something which Ved couldn't see. He leaned a bit forward but Cloe noticed it and shoved the book away from him.  
He mumbled something to himself and she just glared at him.

"We are going to do a project where you have to work in pairs. The meaning of this project is that you have to make an essay about your partner, find out what they like, what they don't like, what they feel, just anything. Observe them, and how can you do that the easiest way? Exactly, spend time with them, make homework together and lunch together. I want you to write an essay about your partner. How do you see him and what is he really like?" The teacher went on and on, while Cloe just sunk lower in her chair not wanting to do this project at all, she already knew that it was going to be hard for her and her so called partner.

"Your partner will be the person who is sitting right next to you." The teacher went on.

Ved's head shot up by the words of the teacher and Cloe just stared in front of her. He sighed and looked angry at his teacher for doing this to him.

After class Ved quickly left the classroom in a hurry, not wanting to speak to psycho Cloe girl.  
But she followed him all through the hall and he couldn't even shake her off when he started to walk even faster.  
He turned a corner and waited for her…

Cloe suddenly felt herself being pushed against a wall when she rounded the corner that she had seen him taken. Her eyes shot open and they met Ved's who was looking angry at her.

"_God_! What do you want?" He said angry and Cloe could feel his warm breath on her face.  
Her face turned red and she struggled to get out of his grip but couldn't because he was too strong for her.

"Didn't you hear me? What. Do. You. Want?" he repeated again like she was stupid.  
Cloe sighed and tried to look him in the eyes but he had already let her go and was now standing in front of her looking like she was some piece of filth.

"W-w…" She sighed again. "We have to do this project together." Ved rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders.

"It's not like I can help that. Alright…so, what now?" he spoke softly afraid that someone might hear him talking to her.  
Cloe was used to people doing that when they were talking to her and adjusted her voice also.

"Well, that means that we have to get to know each other a little bit better. We have to meet each other everyday at some place where we can...I don't know…talk or something." She tried.

Ved rolled his eyes again and sighed. "Fine, because we have to. Meet me every day after dinner in the English classroom; I'll make sure the teacher will leave the classroom open, so we won't be disturbed."

Well, that wasn't the honest truth, Cloe knew what he had meant though, he didn't want anybody to see him with her, she could understand so she nodded. "Ok, see you tonight." And she stalked off.

Ved shook his head and mumbled something like _'I'm screwed'_

Sitting in the corner of the canteen Cloe was writing in her diary, nobody knew that she kept one. And she knew that they would find it stupid, but Cloe didn't care, her diary was her own personal friend where she could write her feelings in without being embarrassed.  
She looked up when she noticed a figure standing right in front of her; she closed her diary and met the eyes of Patsy, the queen of humiliating her.

"Whatcha doing there Clo?" She asked with her sweetest voice.

"Nothing." Cloe mumbled and tried to walk away, but Patsy grabbed her forcefully at her arm and made her stay there.

"Let me see it Clo" She said harsh but not loud. Without having permission she snapped her fingers and one of her friends took the diary out of her hands. Cloe's eyes were now wide open and feared for the thing that was going to happen next.

"No, please don't." She whispered softly.

"What did you say Clo? You've got to speak up girl, we can't hear you," Patsy held her even tighter and Cloe's arm began to tingle.

"Don't!" Cloe said harder. "Give it back to me!"

"Shush now Clo, I just want to help you. Now let me read this." Patsy opened it and her eyes scanned the first lines of her diary. Her eyes shot up at Cloe but as soon as she looked at her, her eyes lingered back on the words that were written right in front of her.

"Well, that's interesting."

Cloe just stood there, Patsy's friends were now holding her so Patsy could read it and no matter how hard she tried to struggle she couldn't get free. Out of the corner of her eyes she saw Ved looking, his expression blank. Cloe shut her eyes and waited for it to end. But when she opened it a minute later she saw Patsy standing on a table.

"Listen…Listen. Cloe wanted me to read this aloud to you." She said smirking.  
_"Dear Diary, _

First day of this school year is just begun, I saw Ved looking at me today, although I don't know why. I don't think he likes me, he loathes me, I just wish he would notice me…  
Patsy threatened me again today that she would get me one of those days, but I don't think that she will go through with it, she doesn't dare it.  
I couldn't help but cut myself again, my arm is now full of scars but I don't mind, I just want this pain to be over…." 

Patsy looked up at her and stepped off of the table, walking to Cloe. Cloe just stood there frozen, wishing that she was in her room. Patsy roughly grabbed her arm and shoved her sleeve up, revealing her scarred arm. Cloe closed her eyes again, feeling tears starting to flow and tried to pull her arm back but she couldn't.

"Well, well, you really are a freak aren't you?" Patsy hissed. She pushed Cloe's arm away in disgust and threw Cloe's diary in front of her feet.

"Like I want to read something pathetic like that." She raised her head up high and pushed Cloe away and she walked off.

Cloe opened her eyes and wiped the tears from her eyes, she saw Ved still looking at her, shocked, angry and embarrassed. Cloe quickly looked away from him and grabbed her book from the ground then she run off.


	3. Care for me

**Chapter 2: Care for me**

With the razor lying on the ground Cloe enjoyed every single second that she felt. Screw her for promising that she wasn't going to do it anymore, she _craved_ for it.  
How could fucking Patsy do something like that to her, how could she tell everybody about Ved, about her cutting herself? Why does she not care? Why can't she see what she is doing?  
It was almost dinner time so that meant that she was going to meet up with Ved in a short time.  
She stood up but her knees felt weak and she slunk to the ground again. She sighed and she felt the tears starting to form in her eyes again.  
She stared at the razor which was lying on the floor, wanting to kick it away with her feet but she felt too tired. She looked at her watch and saw that she had 2 minutes to go before she had to meet up with Ved, but for some reason she couldn't stand up.  
She closed her eyes and she let the sleepiness take over her body.

Ved was tapping with his feet on the ground, he had been sitting in the English classroom for 15 minutes now and Cloe still hadn't showed up. He hated to admit it but he was a little bit worried about her, especially after what he had heard with lunch.  
He himself hadn't want to come but he knew that he had too if not for the sake of his father then for the sake of Cloe, he had never been nice or friendly towards her, but she didn't deserve a low grade just because of him.  
He was shocked when he had heard that she wrote something about him in her diary, but he was even more shocked when he heard that she cuts herself.

He looked at his watch and saw that she was now 20 minutes late, and he remembered how she had run away the last time he had seen her. She was crying and clutching her diary against her chest; everybody was staring after her and whispering. He had seen how she had looked at him, with regret and pain in her eyes. He had been angry with her then, and wanted to scream and shout at her.

He chewed his bottom lip, not sure of what to do with the situation. He tapped his feet louder and faster, deciding on what to do.

_'What if she is cutting herself right now? What if she is lying in her bedroom, dead?' _Went through his mind.

_'I can't just go look for her, what will others think? And besides if she wanted to kill herself she would have done it sooner…right?'_ He shook his head at his own stupid thoughts; he knew he was thinking crazy.

_'We DO have to finish this project, I need her for that.'_

_'No…I can do this on my own, I will just write something down and I get a higher grate than her' _  
He sighed closing his eyes and finally stopped his tapping; this girl was driving him crazy.

_'I should just go and look for her…yes…that's what I'm going to do. I will just go to her room and knock on the door. I can do that.'_ He laughed, but it was a fake one just to cover his own stupid thoughts up and he stood up and walked out of the door.

He looked around, making sure that nobody saw him before knocking on Cloe's door.

"Cloe, are you there?" He said aloud while knocking.  
He waited for a minute but the door never opened. He knocked again and pressed his ear against the door, hoping to hear something inside, but it was silent.

"Cloe, _come on_! Open this fucking door!" He started tapping again with his feet while his arms were crossed over his chest.

When she didn't open the door, he suddenly felt nervous, he wondered if she was lying there dead or injured. He couldn't take it anymore and slammed his weight into the door which opened after a minute of trying.  
He looked around her room which was nicely decorated if he had taken the time to look at it, but he didn't. He looked on the ground but didn't see her; he marched to the other side and harshly opened her bathroom door where he saw a small figure lying on the floor.

"Cloe" he gulped and kneeled in front of her. He looked at the ground and saw a razor lying on the other side of her feet, immediately his eyes shot to her arm and he saw that it was still bleeding.

"God, Cloe." He whispered in a hurry and checked for her pulse, which he felt, he didn't noticed that he had kept his breath all the while and was now gasping for air.

He grabbed a towel and pushed it against her arm lifting her head and placing it in his lap.

"Cloe…Cloe!" He said while softly patting her cheeks trying to get her out of her unconsciousness.

Her eyes started to flutter and very slowly she looked with her big brown eyes at him. He gasped; he never knew that she had such beautiful eyes.

"Wha…what are you doing here?" She said trying to sit up, but Ved didn't let her he softly pushed her down and kept looking at her.

"What have you done to yourself?" he softly whispered, now looking at her arm. He took the towel off and gently laid Cloe back on the stone bathroom floor. He wetted the towel a little bit and started to clean up the wound.

"I'm...I'm sorry, I think…I think I went to deep." She looked at her lap, not daring to look him in the eyes.

"YOU THINK?" He stood up towering above her.

"YOU THINK YOU WENT A LITTLE TOO DEEP CLOE? You scared the shit out of me! Don't. Ever. Do. That. Again, do you hear me?" He said angry.

Cloe shoved over to a corner of the bathroom, making herself as small as possible and just cried.  
He just looked at her, his eyes turning soft again.

"Come on, go to your room, I will clean this up." He whispered to her, gently touching her arm. She shivered at his touch and looked up to him. Her brown eyes filled with tears and regret.

"Don't touch me." She whispered to him. He held his hands up in defence and smiled at her.  
It was enough for her to trust him in this moment and she slowly stood up, not being really balanced on her feet she grabbed Ved's arm. He slowly led her to her room and sat her down on the bed. He smiled at her one last time and went inside the bathroom again to clean up the blood.

Cloe just sat there staring off into space, not really knowing what just had happened that somebody had really cared for her if only just for a moment…


	4. Make it stop

**Chapter 3: Make it stop...**

Cloe lay in bed later that night, staring up at the ceiling. She couldn't sleep and her arm was hurting like hell.  
Ved went away just an hour ago, he had let her promise that she wouldn't do it again and then he stayed with her for another half an hour, just watching TV together, although she noticed that most of the time he was just staring at her in deep thoughts.  
She knew that deep inside she wanted for him to care about her, but she knew that he only helped her for the project, he needed her for that. If only she knew that Ved was lying in his own bed in another room down the hall, thinking about her.

Ved lay on his side staring at the wall in front of him, how his day was messed up. He had never been so scared in all his life for anyone when he saw Cloe lying there on the ground. He didn't even want to think about what would have happened if he hadn't come to find her. He couldn't get the image of her out of his mind; she was so fragile and so scared. It repeated over and over in his mind, how he saw the razor lying on the ground and the blood that was coming from her arm. He had really thought that she was gone forever…but thank God that she was still there.  
He had seen her sitting on her bed, not knowing what to do, confused about everything that was happening to her, as if the world was going on without her and she was left behind. Right then and there he had felt a pang in his heart and he wanted to comfort her…but he couldn't.

When he was cleaning up the bathroom after that he had to sit for awhile to adjust what just happened. He sat down and just stared in front of him, he could hear Cloe softly crying and his heart went cold. What had this girl done to deserve so much pain?  
He sighed one last time and turned on his other side, finally getting some sleep.

Cloe was just about to open her door to go to the English classroom to meet up with Ved when she bumped into something solid.

"Oh." She said and felt 2 strong arms around her waist.  
She looked up and saw that it was Ved who had caught her.

"What are you doing here? I thought we would meet in the English classroom?" Cloe asked him.

"Yeah, I know. The classroom is already taken by other people. Maybe we can go outside?" Ved suggested. He tried to avoid looking in her eyes scared for her reaction. He had promised himself not to let her too close, otherwise he would be too worried about her.

"Sure, let me just get my coat." Cloe said and walked back into her room. Ved just stood there leaning against her wall and waited for her to come back.

They walked silently, Ved was walking a few feet in front of Cloe and she just followed him until he stopped at a bench in front of the lake. The lake was completely frozen en the ground was covered with beautiful white snow. Cloe inhaled the smell of the fresh air and smiled, how she loved the freedom here. He watched closely as he sat down on the bench waiting for her to do the same, but she didn't. Instead she walked to the lake and just stood there staring in front of her. He got up and stood next to her, just looking at her.

"Can you tell me a little bit about yourself?" He asked her.

Cloe sighed and turned to him, meeting his eyes.

"I don't know what to tell you, it doesn't matter anyway, I don't have a perfect life for you to write about." She said sad.

"Why do you cut yourself?" the question came out of nowhere and he hadn't meant to ask her that.  
Cloe's gaze fell upon the lake again and he saw her eyes turning cold.

"Why do you think I cut myself Ved? I don't just do it because I like the scars." She said harsh.

"I know, I know…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"No you're not sorry, no one is ever sorry for me. And you know what, I don't care. If you _must_ get to know me, then take a look at this arm!" She said and pulled up her sleeve.  
Ved turned away from her, not wanting to look at her, not wanting to see the pain that she was going through.

"Look at it!" She demanded. She grabbed his arm and turned him around roughly, his eyes shot to her arm and saw the scars.

"Don't." He whispered and closed his eyes.

"Don't what Ved? Don't do it? I'm sorry but it's the only way." She just stared at him blankly, her face showing no emotions.

"The only way for what Cloe, killing your inner pain by hurting yourself on the outside? That's not the way and you know it. You can stop it, I know you can…you yourself know that you can…you just have to have faith"

"I stopped believing in faith a long time ago." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to calm herself down.

"But this has to stop…" He started.

"I don't know how to stop it, I don't want to feel anything anymore but it won't ever stop Ved! Don't you understand that it hurts too much to even _talk_ about it, to _think_ about it, to _FEEL_ it?" Cloe said harsh and started to cry.  
"Make it stop …just make it stop." Cloe begged him whispering, she sunk to the ground and just cried, not caring about the cold or the snow underneath her.

Ved just stood there, shocked again in just 2 days, she had scared him again.  
He kneeled down beside her and pulled her against him, trying to comfort her in any way that he could. Right now he only wanted her to feel safe.

Half an hour later they were both seated on the bench, Cloe's tears had dried and she was now writing something down. Ved was deep in his own thoughts; he regretted making himself so angry in front of her which made her cry.

A letter was pushed into his hands from Cloe and she just stared at him.

"I can't just tell you; maybe you will understand it you could just read it. Please don't tell anyone about what I have written, or what has happened here today." She stood up and started to walk away.

"Cloe?" Ved called and she turned around, her hair falling around her face, and he thought that it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"I'm sorry for what happened earlier. And I won't tell anyone."

Cloe just smiled and walked away.

_My life has always been messed up, when I was little I adored my parents and my parents adored me. But my mother started to work again when I was old enough to take care of myself after school. My parents never had time for me anymore; I never saw them only in the weekends. I had a few friends but when my parents decided for me to go to this boarding school I lost contact with them. I even lost contact with my own parents. Yeah, sure sometimes they write to me, but they never come to see me.  
Then Patsy happened and my life just turned upside down. I still don't understand why she had to pick on me; I never understood what I'd done wrong to her. In my first year of school I had bulimia. I told myself I was fat and I even started to believe it. Until it went wrong and I ended up in the hospital. My parents wanted me to go in therapy, not wanting to deal with it themselves; they were scared to deal with it. I made the people at school promise me that they wouldn't tell anyone at school. When I came back I hoped that everything would be fine again, but Patsy never gave up. I faked my smile and happiness for so long, I think I've fooled myself. I saw this programme on television about a girl cutting herself on regular bases and I was curious if it maybe would help me.  
The first time I did it I could only cry out in pain and I soon started to notice how nice it was to feel something else than the inner pain. This pain came from the outside and I was the one in control, it just felt so good. But then the scars came and I knew that it was wrong…but I can't stop. I want this all to stop. But I can't…it feels too good. But it scares me. The other day…what if you didn't find me, I don't even want to think about it. Because I don't want to die… I just want…something, anything… if only for a moment…_


	5. Don't pity me

**Chapter 4: Don't pity me**

Ved was sitting outside on the bench where Cloe and he had met yesterday night. He hadn't slept all night and was now gazing over the lake, watching 2 ducks fight about some bread that was thrown into a gap in the water by a 10 year old girl.  
He felt somebody slipping beside him and he looked over and met the eyes of Noah, his best friend.

"Hey, what are you doing here? It's freezing cold out here" Noah asked him, rubbing his hands together to warm them up.

"I was just thinking." Ved replied and stared right in front of him again.

"About what?" Noah asked him.

Ved only shook his head, making clear that he didn't want to say it; Noah could only nod in response.

"How's the project going with psycho girl?"

"I don't know, we haven't really talked…or we did…or…I don't know." He shrugged.

"Well, I'm just glad that I'm not paired up with her, I think I would die right there and then." Noah laughed. Ved decided not to respond to that and just stared at the ducks.

"Are you coming inside? We have class in a few minutes."

"Yeah, you can go already, I'll be there in a few." Ved responded blankly.

When Noah walked away Ved took a deep breath and stood up. His thoughts never leaving Cloe, the girl that has been on his mind for the past 3 days. He told himself numerous of times that he didn't care for her, that it was just for the project, but when he had read that letter he felt so bad for her, he thought his life was bad…but her life was 10 times worse than his.

Cloe stepped inside the classroom, she had overslept and now she was late. She breathed heavily from running through the hallways and now stood there, in front of the classroom with all eyes on her.  
She sighed and looked around for a seat, which she found. She quickly walked through the class, receiving some evil glares from Patsy and her friends and seated in her chair.  
She opened her bag and took out her notebook and pen, opening it in front of her and looked at the teacher who didn't say anything about her lateness.  
She took her pen and started to write in her notebook, not noticing the figure that slipped into the seat next to her a few minutes later.

Ved had cursed himself when he came late into the classroom and found that the only seat empty was again next to Cloe. This wasn't good at all…  
She didn't seem to notice him when he had seated down and took his book; she was too deep in her writing.

He leaned over, looking at what she was writing. One simple line stood in the middle of the page in big black letters: **"Everybody heard the shattering of a glass, but nobody heard the voice of my heart."**

He kept staring at it, his eyes wandering over the words and repeating it over and over again.  
Cloe had scribbled words all around it, but he didn't seem to notice them. Just that line had caught his breath.

Finally Cloe noticed him sitting next to her and looking at her writings. She quickly coughed and shoved her notebook away from him. He gave her an apologetic look and quickly opened his book, pretending nothing happened.

It was dinner time and Cloe was again sitting in a corner of the canteen where nobody would notice her but herself. Sure every now and then someone would notice her, but then decided to just ignore her and walk away like she wasn't even there.  
She looked up in time to see Ved walking in the canteen, grabbing a plate and filling it up with food.  
He then silently walked to a spot on the other end of the canteen and started to eat.

"He is never going to like you." Someone whispered into her ear.

Cloe snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Patsy's voice still ringing in her ear.

"What are you talking about?" Cloe tried to play dumb but Patsy looked right through to her.

"You may have this project with him, but he will never like you. He may pity you now…but that's only because of the project. After that he will ignore you again like he always did, and you know it." She grinned.

"I don't want his pity; I don't want anybody's pity. I just want you OUT OF MY LIFE." Cloe stood up too quickly which caused her plate to fall on the floor and the food was now lying everywhere.

"My, My Cloe…need attention again from everybody? You'll never get enough of it. And I wonder why you always need me for it…but it's alright…I am glad to help you." Patsy smirked and pushed Cloe which caused her to fall right into the food.

Almost everybody stood up and looked down on Cloe whose face was now in the milk. Patsy bended down and pushed her face harder to the ground while she was laughing hysterically.  
Cloe struggled, trying to get free from Patsy's grip on her head. She could barely breathe because her mouth was against the ground covered with milk, which she could now clearly taste.  
Suddenly Patsy pulled her face up by her hair and harshly grabbed Cloe's face and turned it to their audience.

"You can't tell me you didn't want this, right Clo? I know you LOVE the attention that you are getting right now."

Cloe tried to open her mouth but Patsy shut her up by squeezing her arm really hard.

"No need to thank me Clo, it really was no problem." Before Patsy stormed off she pushed Cloe to the ground again, smirked and walked away.

Cloe just lay there, while everybody started to walk away from her. Dinner was over and they had to go because the canteen had to be cleaned.

Suddenly somebody stood in front of her, a hand outstretched for her to take.  
She looked up and saw that it was Ved. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, remembering the words that Patsy had told her a few minutes earlier.

'_He only pities you because of the project. If he really did care about you he would have told Patsy off.' _She kept repeating in her mind. She stood up without his help and walked past him.

"Wait! What have I done wrong?" Ved was startled by her actions and didn't understand her.

"Why are you helping me _now_?" Cloe asked him spinning around to face him on her heels, tears welling up in her eyes. How bad she wanted him to hold her like he had done yesterday in front of the lake, but he couldn't…he didn't even care about her.

"I thought you wanted help?" He was even more confused now. He saw the look of complete humiliation in her eyes and he wanted nothing more to just hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright. He didn't even know where those feelings came from and right now...he didn't care.

"I do Ved, but not right now! You should have helped me when you saw Patsy do this to me! You should have said something about it. But instead you just stood there and watched, am I right Ved? Did you watch it all without saying anything about it? Did you see me lying there, against my own will while everybody was just laughing at me and looking at me?" Cloe just stared at him, angry. When he didn't respond she knew that what she had said was true.

"Don't be such a coward Ved; don't be like the rest…" She whispered and walked away from him, leaving him in his own thoughts.


	6. He cared

**Chapter 5: He cared...**

It wasn't like he was concerned or anything, he was just making sure that she was alright.  
Ved stood in front of Cloe's room; he had waited for a few minutes now, because he couldn't decide whether he should go in or not. She didn't meet him in the English classroom and now he was scared that maybe she would lay in the bathroom again with her arm cut open.  
He quickly tried to get that image out of his mind and decided to just knock on the door.  
Not even 15 seconds later the door swung open and Cloe stood right in front of him. Her eyes were puffy from the crying and her cheeks were black from the smudged mascara.

"What is it?" She snapped at him, her eyes were cold and it was like her eyes could burn wholes in his body. Ved had never seen her like this, so angry.

"Are you ok?" He asked her, forgetting why he came here in the first place.

"Sure, now sod off!" She tried to close the door but he stopped it by putting his foot in front of it.

"Can I come in?" He asked her.

"NO!" But he didn't listen to her and just pushed the door a little bit more open and just walked in.

"Thanks." He said and Cloe rolled her eyes, closing the door behind them.

Ved looked around her room; he then noticed how her room really looked like. Cloe's room was dark red and she had painted her furniture dark blue. The room wasn't stuffed full with all those crazy stuff girls would like to put in it, it was just clean and neat, he actually liked it.  
He sat down on her bed and waited for her to say something. But she didn't, Cloe had decided to just ignore his presence and picked up her book that she was reading earlier, snuggling into her big comfy chair.  
He had watched her move every second and just wondered why she lived in her own little world. Sure he knew why she did, but he wondered why nobody wanted to be friends with her. She was this pretty girl, in front of everyone to see, he couldn't be the only one to see it could he?

"Cloe?" He whispered.

"Hmm?" She mumbled from behind her book.

Ved stood up and walked over to her, looking down on her she looked up and just stared at him.  
He noticed that her eyes had softened a bit but her face was still red and puffy. He wondered how she still could look so beautiful, he had seen girls cry before and he never liked what he saw. With Cloe things were different, no matter how she would look, he would still find her attractive.  
'No, I'm not thinking this.' Ved thought angry and tried to look away from her big brown eyes but found that he couldn't. Suddenly his hand found its own way to move and took the book from her hands.

"Hey why did you do that?" Cloe asked him angry, but was surprised when she found Ved had taking her hand and pulled her up.

"I want to help you Cloe…please let me help you." He whispered and wiped her mascara away from her cheeks with his thumb.

Cloe looked him in the eyes, seeing that he really meant it; she leaned into his touch and just closed her eyes, finding comfort in something simple like his touch.  
She felt the tears starting to flow although she wasn't sure why. It had been a long time that somebody made such a gesture like this, like they really cared about her. And she couldn't help but wonder if maybe…just maybe Ved cared for her.

He had studied her for a minute or two and had the urge to just kiss her. He suddenly didn't care anymore about anyone, not about his friends not about other people who would think low of her. They were all wrong, there she was…Cloe, the greatest and prettiest girl he had ever seen…and he couldn't help but just…care for her.

"I mean it when I say I wanna help you cloe, let me help you." Joshua said and stood up, waiting for her to reply.

"Why?" Cloe asked him and turned around, he saw a tear rolling down her cheek and he stepped forward to wipe it back, but he soon realized what he was about to do and stopped just a few centimetres in front of her. 

"It's hard Cloe; I still don't even understand it myself. It's too hard to explain, really." Ved held his gazed down, too scared to look at her again, but yet she was so close, he could smell her perfume, which was driving him wild.

"I do know that I meant it when I said that I wanna help you Cloe, let me help you." Ved said and stood up, waiting for her to reply. 

"Why?" Cloe asked him and turned around, he saw a tear rolling down her cheek and he stepped forward to wipe it back, but he soon realized what he was about to do and stopped just a few centimetres in front of her. 

"It's hard Cloe; I still don't even understand it myself. It's too hard to explain, really." Ved held his gazed down, too scared to look at her again, but yet she was so close, he could smell her perfume which was driving him wild.

"Try." She whispered and took a step closer; he could now clearly feel her breath on his skin.

"I guess I just care for you in some sort of way." He managed to get out. Hoping she didn't hear him, but obviously she did because her gaze fell and she backed away.

"You…you care for…me?" She asked him another tear sliding down her cheek.

"I think I do." Ved whispered.

"Why did you come to my room?" She asked him, as if changing the subject.

He leaned back against the wall closest to him and swallowed a few times.

"Because you didn't show up in the English classroom and I thought that…that maybe you…" He couldn't even get it over his own lips.

"But I didn't. I thought about it first, but somehow I couldn't. I don't even know why." She laughed at herself and Ved just stared at her, he let out a sigh of relief.

"That's good, I'm glad you didn't. Because I don't know what I would have done if I would have found you again there…lying on the ground. You really scared me those past few days." He said.

"I didn't mean to…I just wanted to feel something other than what I have to feel when I'm in there." And she pointed to her door. Ved only nodded.

"Hey." He said and Cloe's head shot up to meet him.

"Let's just forget about what happened before alright?" He said blankly, and Cloe stared off in space and nodded.

"Well, I guess I err…I guess I have to go." He said and stood up. But Cloe soon caught her hand in his and turned him to face her.

"Stay…" She said slowly. "Please? Just watch TV or whatever, I just want you to be here for awhile."  
He looked up at her and saw how much she wanted him to stay.

"Sure." He said and sat down on her bed. Cloe walked back to her comfy chair and picked up her book and started reading where she left off. But somehow she couldn't concentrate anymore. He cared….


	7. Happy Birthday

**Chapter 6: Happy Birthday**

It was weekend, on Sunday Cloe would turn 17, and her grandmother Lisa invited her to celebrate her birthday at her house, Cloe wanted to go, but she really didn't want to see her parents.  
She zipped up her bag and opened the door where she was greeted by a smiling man: Her father.

"Hi Kiddo." He said and shook her hand.

Cloe only smiled at him, her father never was the type of guy who would just hug her or give her a kiss, and he never showed any affection towards her.  
They walked silently to the car, her dad had taken her bag from her and he tossed it over his shoulder.  
Cloe looked back at her 'home' and for the first time in her life she wanted to stay there, away from her family, away from her so called 'real home'. It wasn't her home anymore; it hadn't been for awhile now.  
Although she did look forward to seeing her grandmother, the one person that she loved all her life.  
Lisa always made her feel home and loved; it was just a shame that they never saw each other, only at their birthdays.  
Cloe was curious what Lisa came up with this year for her birthday. Last year they went to the movies, and the year before that they went to Disneyland.

They arrived at her grandmother's house and Cloe jumped out of the car and met Lisa's arms, hugging her tightly. Closing her eyes Cloe snuggled her nose in her grandmother's hair and inhaled, remembering the peppermint smell that her grandma always had. She heard her father drive off to his work and so she was left alone with Lisa.

"Hello Cloe, how are you?" Lisa asked her with a shaken voice like all old people have.

"I'm good Grandma, how are you?" Cloe said smiling, still not letting go of her.

"I have been good lately, thank you." She said and stepped out of their embrace and took Cloe's hands, leading her inside to the warmth of her house.

Cloe opened her eyes and felt the rays of the sun on her skin; she smiled and stretched herself, knowing that today was her birthday.  
A soft knock came from the door and Lisa opened the door and peeked around the corner. The minute she saw Cloe up she started singing; in her hands she was holding a beautiful cake. Cloe saw that her parents weren't there, but for some reason she found this just perfect.

"Well, I haven't _bought_ any presents; you know that I never do that." Lisa said and sat on Cloe's bedside, still holding the cake with 17 candles in it.

"But maybe you can wish for that perfect present, and maybe someday you'll have it." She smiled at her, and Cloe closed her eyes.

_'Let someone love me' _Cloe thought and then opened her eyes and blew the candles out.  
Her grandma clapped her hands and put the cake on her bedside table.

"I came up with the perfect idea for your birthday." She said exited, she had a twinkle in her eyes and she was just glowing.

Cloe sat up in bed and stared intensely at her grandmother, full of expectation.

"I invited some of your friends at school for today, to celebrate your birthday." She said happily.  
Cloe's eyes fell the minute Lisa had said it. She had always lied to her, making her believe that she had the perfect life, with the perfect friends and the perfect grades.  
Well, the grades she got alright, but not the perfect life and NOT the perfect friends.  
She already knew that nobody would come and that had to explain herself to Lisa and her parents, they would find out the whole truth.

Lisa and Cloe were decorating the whole house; she couldn't make herself telling the truth. She was making up all sorts of excuses why nobody would come, but she couldn't make anything up.  
The doorbell rang and Cloe looked up in surprise, maybe somebody would come? But she couldn't think of anyone who would actually do. She sighed and checked the mirror one last time to see how she looked. She opened the door and was greeted by a tall man who had roses in his hand. He smiled and Cloe caught a look of his yellow teeth and she flinched.

"Are you Cloe?" He asked.

She nodded and the man pushed the roses into her hands.

"Sign this please" And he held a notepad before her and a pen. Cloe quickly scribbled her autograph, thanked the man and closed the door. For the first few minutes she just stared at the roses, not really knowing from whom they were or what she was supposed to do with them.  
Lisa stood behind her and smiled.

"Secret Admirer?" She asked in a teasing tone.

"I don't know…" She looked inside the bouquet and found a little card. She unfolded it and read aloud.

_'Honey, happy birthday, we are sorry we can't be with you now! Have a nice day! – Mom and Dad.'_

Cloe threw the flowers inside a corner and ran up the stairs in tears.  
She hated her parents for not caring to just be with her on this day, deep down she knew she wanted them to be there, to just hold her and look at her proudly, just because she was their daughter. But they never did…and now they only just send her those stupid flowers…  
She collapsed onto her bed and started sobbing into the pillow which was soon a little bit wed.  
After a few minutes Lisa came upstairs and softly knocked on Cloe's door.

"Sweetie, are you ok?" She asked her and sat beside her on the bed. She softly stroke her hair and Cloe snuggled into her arms.

"I just want them to be here…for once..." She sobbed.

"Oh, I know honey, I know." She lightly patted Cloe's back and lifted her chin up to meet her eyes.

"You know…dry those tears, because you have a visitor." She said smiling.  
Cloe was shocked and curious. A visitor? But nobody ever visited her.

Lisa kissed the top of Cloe's head before disappearing out of her room.

Cloe rushed to the top of the stairs and looked down; there she saw Ved standing there, looking around in the hallway.

_'Oh, shit!'_ She swore under her breath and ran to the bathroom to check her puffy eyes and her make – up. The damage wasn't much, so she quickly re-applied some mascara and straightened up her clothes before she slowly walked down the stairs.

"Ved?" She tried to ask surprised, but didn't really succeed. Luckily Ved didn't notice as he cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Hi, uh…Happy birthday, your grandmother invited me. I hope you don't mind." He said and kissed her cheek lightly, pushing a present into her hand.

"NO! Uh...no, of course not." She smiled a bit and looked at the present, slowly unwrapping it; she felt Ved's eyes on her, making her nervous.  
A beautiful brown diary bound in leather was now in her hands.

"O my God." Cloe whispered as she quickly flipped through the clean fresh pages of the diary.

"Yeah, I saw that you needed a new one, so I thought I should buy one for your birthday." He said and smiled.

"It's beautiful, thank you." Cloe smiled back and hugged him, not really aware of her actions because when she pulled back they both stood in front of each other a little bit awkward.

"So…do you want something to drink?" She asked him. Ved nodded and walked behind her into the living room.


	8. Stay this way please

**Chapter 7: Stay this way please **

_I remember him looking at me with his blue greyish eyes, I remember him looking at me with loath in his eyes. I remember him looking at me with anger in his eyes. I remember him looking at me with all the care in the world. And more than anything now…I feel that I'm in love with him.  
I know I always liked him; I think I somehow or someway always did, even if he would give me the cold shoulder. But now, when I notice him noticing me for the very first time…I think I'm in love with him, and it scares me but somehow it feels good. I once read a quote somewhere: 'being in love means: thrusting someone with your heart in their hands.' Or something along those lines…and I guess that person is right. He can easily break mine right now; I gave him my heart without him knowing it. If only things would stay the way they are now…_

Cloe chewed on the end of her pen while she was lying on her bed, looking over her diary entry.  
Never had she been so happy on her birthday. Sure only Ved showed up, but maybe that's all she ever wanted.

_Flashbacks Afternoon:_

Sitting in front of each other a bit uncomfortable, the wind softly blowing around them. Some of Cloe's hair was flowing around her face and Ved just stared at it while she closed her eyes and just thought.  
Lisa had let them alone just 5 minutes ago, when she noticed some sort of tension between the two teenagers and she went to the kitchen to make dinner.

"Thanks for coming." Cloe said finally, not opening her eyes.

"No problem. I'm just sorry the others didn't show up." He sighed and lay back on the wet grass, which didn't bother him much.

"I didn't even think you would show up." Cloe whispered and slowly opened her eyes.

Ved shrugged and looked at her, a stay of her hair fell in front of her face and he stretched his arm and tucked it behind her hair, slowly gliding his thumb over her cheek, which first was a bit accidentally, but after that, he had wanted it.

"I wanted to." He whispered with a double meaning and leaned up a bit so he was on the same level as her.

"Tell me something about yourself." Cloe said softly, looking him straight in the eye.  
Ved supported himself by placing his hands on either sides of his body on the ground, pushing himself up a little.

"Like what?" He stared into her brown eyes and noticed that she had some green sparks in them, they made her eyes stand out more and he liked it.

"What are your parents like?" Cloe lay down on her stomach in the cold and wet grass, her arms resting under her head and she closed her eyes again.

Ved placed himself next to her, sitting and his fingers went up and down her back, teasing her a little bit, but it still felt nice.

"My parents divorced when I was little, I don't have any contact with my mom anymore. She re-married with this horrible man and I just didn't want to go to her anymore, you know?" He stopped and thought for a moment.

"Hmmm." Cloe mumbled. He didn't know if she did it because he asked _'you know'_, or maybe it was the pleasure he was giving her by still stroking up and down her back.

"My dad…Well let's just say he's a bastard. I hate him, he expects so much of me, and sometimes when I can't do whatever he wants me to do, he would just hit me or yell at me.  
You know…I hate him, for making me hate you." He had whispered the end, and he felt Cloe stir underneath his hand.

"It's just; he wanted me to be the best in everything. But there you were the best student of the school. You would always get higher grates than me, and it really pissed my father off, after awhile I somehow made myself believe that it was your entire fault that my father hates me, just because I can't fulfil his perfect image that he has created of me."

He felt Cloe stirring underneath him even more and he took his hand off of her back so she could sit back and look him in the eyes.

"Do you still hate me?" She whispered a single tear rolling down her cheek.

"No…I don't think I ever hated you, I just told myself I did. I'm sorry for ever ignoring you, for not sticking up for you. Cloe, I am that coward that you named me earlier, I don't know what to do when Patsy does those things to you. I see everything she does and my heart keeps telling me that I have to help you but…" He was cut off by Cloe as she placed just a gentle kiss on his lips.

"I know." She smiled sadly. She lay back down on her stomach and he did the same.

"What are we?" Cloe asked after awhile, her eyes focused on a cat that was walking underneath the bushes, lurking around.

"What do you mean?" Ved asked rolling on his back.  
Cloe sat up straight; her eyes were now focusing on the grass that she was pulling out of the ground with her right hand.

"I don't know what we are…you know…just two people who work on a project together or friends or…" Cloe stopped; she was embarrassed to ask him, it was just stupid to even ask him.

"Or what?" Ved had wanted her to continue but when Cloe had stopped she didn't seem to want to go on.

"Err…forget it." Cloe shook her head and her back was now facing Ved.

"Please?" He tried again.

Cloe sighed and swallowed hard, she hated him for making her say it. But she also hated herself for starting the subject.  
She sighed again, still not turning around.

"What is going on between us Ved? I don't understand. Are we partners for this stupid school project, are we friends Ved? Or…somehow… more?" She asked him finally.

He grabbed her arm and slowly turned her around.

"More?" He asked questioning, a soft look in his eyes.

"You show up on my birthday, you tell me you don't hate me…you even told me you care for me. We just kissed Ved…and what you just did 15 minutes ago is not how people who don't like each other act around each other. I know we are more than that…Well…I think I want to be more than that." She finished.

Ved sighed and his eyes fell to the ground.

"It's not that simple..." He stated.

"Why not?" Cloe asked him, trying to search for his eyes, but it was like Ved didn't dare to look at her.

"My father he would never…" He tried to finish but Cloe cut him off.

"Your father? Why would your father be bothered by this?" she asked him.

"He knows about you keeping me from being the best of the class, he hates you Cloe…" He spoke softly, his voice barely recognized. Cloe swallowed, letting the information sink in, it was hard to hear it from him, but she kept telling herself that it wasn't Ved who thought it, it was his dad.

"What do _you_ want Ved? Don't think about your father, think about yourself for now. What do you want?"

"I don't know what I want; I have to figure things out first. But I want to be friends with you…is that ok with you?" He asked finally.

Cloe could only nod her head and Ved gave her a light kiss on the cheek and smiled.

"Dinner!" Lisa's head was just around the corner of the door, and they both could see some grey hairs blowing in the wind.

"We're coming!" Cloe said and tried to stand up but lost balanced and fell back on the ground. Ved laughed and offered her his hand, which she gladly took.

"Thanks." She laughed and they both walked in.

_end of flashback._

And now Cloe was lying on her bed, back in boarding school. Tomorrow she had to go to class so she couldn't stay another night with Lisa.  
Ved had brought her back with his car and to her surprise they didn't had one uncomfortable silence.  
They talked a lot, and when there _was_ a silence it wasn't uncomfortable but actually really nice.

Lisa hadn't asked any question on why nobody else had showed up at her birthday. Cloe felt happy…and since a very long time she had no trouble getting some sleep when she closed her new diary and felt the softness of her pillow.


	9. I believed we would be together forever

**Chapter 8: 'I believed we would be together forever…'**

Cloe knocked on Ved's door the next day; they had both agreed to meet each other there. She was a little bit early, but didn't care; she just wanted to see him, because although they weren't like a couple, it didn't mean that she couldn't have feelings for him.  
She knocked again, louder this time, for Ved didn't seem to have heard it the first place.

"Yeah, yeah, coming." She heard him walking and suddenly he stood in front of her. His hair was dripping wet, and it seemed like he had quickly put some jeans and a shirt on, because his shirt was inside out, and one leg of his jeans was just an inch above his knee.

"Bad time?" She joked; Ved's hand went through his hair and smirked at her.

"Yeah, you are early; I was just taking a quick shower." He explained.

"I can see that. I'll tell you what. I'll just watch some television while you dress yourself properly." She grinned and walked right past him into his room.

Ved looked down at his clothes and saw what or how he was wearing his clothes. He laughed at his own stupid ness and walked back into his room where he saw Cloe looking around. She looked different to him, she looked somehow happier and he wondered if maybe he was the cause of it. He just stared at her, in his own deep thoughts and didn't realize it when he suddenly saw her standing next to his nightstand with a picture of a little girl.

"Who is this?" She asked and snapped him back to reality.  
He saw the picture she was holding in her hand and walked to her and grabbed the picture out of her hand, placing it neatly back on it's original place.

"DON'T. TOUCH. THAT." He shot at her.  
Cloe just stood there dazed at what just had happened.

"I'm sorry." She apologized softly, but didn't really know why she had said it, because after all she couldn't have known that he would be so angry.  
Ved's face softened at her words and his hand was back up in his hair which was still wet.

"I am going to change, I'll be right back." Cloe just nodded, too surprised to say anything. She sat back on his bed, letting everything sink in. Her eyes were drawn back to the picture of the girl. She had big blue beautiful eyes, and she had curly brown hair which fell just over her shoulders. She couldn't have been older than 6 years.

She decided to let the topic rest and stared at his wall which was pitch black, but covered with small text, written with white chalk.

She stood up and watched it intensely, reading everything. The text came out to be short quotes and poems. Cloe decided that she liked it and turned around to face the wall where his bed was standing against.  
She hadn't noticed until now, a large painting of a boy and a girl, which Cloe recognized as the same girl in the picture. She wondered if Ved had made it and who the small little boy could be.  
Her hand stroke over the many colors which were used in it, it was then that she noticed something written in small black letters.  
_'I believed we would be together forever…' _  
Her eyes shot back up to the painting of the boy, blue eyes, with just a little bit grey in it, they looked so familiar to her…just like…

"Do you like it?" She heard Ved say behind her. 

"It's beautiful, are you, err, did you paint it?" She finally choked out. She was still staring intensely at the wall, her back facing him.

"Yes I did, and yes, that's me in the painting." He said.  
She turned around and met his eyes, which did look a lot like his.

"I didn't want to…"She began.

"You wanted to ask, I guess its ok. I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier." He apologized.

"Forget it." Cloe smiled. "Can I ask…who is that girl with you in the painting? You have written: _I believed we would be together forever'_ was she like your girlfriend or something?" She asked careful, not wanting for him to explode once again.

"No, no, she was not my girlfriend. She was my err, she was my twin sister." His eyes left Cloe's and he sat back on his bed.

"Was?" Her eyes fell back on the painting, she had to admit, she did look like him.

"She died when we were 8 years old; she had a tumor in her head." He stared blankly in front of him, although tears were forming in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Ved, I shouldn't have asked." She said when she saw the tears in his eyes.

"It's ok. I don't mind telling." He wiped the tears out of his eyes and stared at the picture on his night stand.

"What was her name?" Cloe's eyes were also fixated on the picture as she sat next to him on the bed, one hand on Ved's knee to let him know that she was there for him.

"Her name is Leila, we were really close…one day we were playing outside and she complained about a headache, she kept telling me that she wanted to go home.  
I noticed her becoming very pale and brought her to our neighbour, who was baby sitting us that day.  
Our neighbour didn't trust it and brought her to the emergency room.  
The doctors there didn't trust it either and kept her there one night for observation. The next day everything seemed fine again and the doctor told us she could go back home and that it probably was something like a virus. Everything was fine for a week, it really seemed like it was a virus, but then she got it again, but this time she threw up a lot of times and my parents brought her again to the emergency room. The doctors agreed to make a scan of her head. I was with her all the time, not wanting to leave her alone. The next day the doctor came in and said that he had some bad news for us." He stopped and swallowed hard. Cloe saw that he had a hard time telling her all this.

"It's ok Ved; you don't have to tell it to me all this minute." She said, softly stroking his hand.  
But he ignored her and went on.

"Then for one whole year this little girl, my sister, my best friend went through hell and back again. She had all these chemo and she was sick a lot of times. In the end she told me she was so tired…she told me she had a dream about a bird and she sat on its back and they flew off to the sky. She told me it was really beautiful and she wanted to go there. I never realized then what the dream had really meant. When she died I became a very quiet boy, most of the time I was home and played alone, my friends wanted to play with me, but I just told them off.  
My parents both changed since then, my father started to work harder which pissed my mother off, so they divorced. Maybe that's the one thing good about it all." He laughed hoarsely and wiped the tears out of his eyes. Cloe took his hand in hers and squeezed it softly.

"I had no idea…" She whispered.

"I just miss her…I miss my sister…my best friend…even though we were so little I can still remember her so clearly. She was always so cheerful and bright, happy about the most stupid things…" he shrugged his shoulders and looked at Cloe.

"But she's gone, and she's not coming back right?" 

She nodded and they both sat in silence, both staring at the picture of Leila.


	10. Memories of you

**Chapter 9: Memories of you to keep me from crashing**

Ved sat on his bed watching television, while Noah was sitting in a chair on the other side of the room, watching closely at the black wall with quotes and poems.

"How did you find those quotes?" He wondered, reading them one by one.

Ved shrugged and stood up, he opened the drawer from his nightstand and took a white chalk out of it and walked to the wall. When he found a clear spot he started writing something down.

"I just hear them or read them somewhere. There are also some lyrics on it you know."  
He finished writing something down and stood back to expect if it seemed ok.  
Noah leaned forward and his eyes glided over the words Ved had just written down.

_'Everybody heard the shattering of a glass, but nobody heard the voice of my heart.'_

"It's beautiful...but what's that all about?" Noah asked him. 

"Something I've read a while ago, but I forgot to write it on the wall." He didn't want to say that he got it from Cloe and walked back to his bed, placing the white chalk back into his drawer but his eyes were stuck at something that also lay in there.  
He took it out, holding a sketchbook in his hands, one which he hadn't used in a few weeks. He had completely forgotten about it after the whole thing with Cloe. He opened it and slowly flipped through it, memorizing the drawings he made when he was in a bad mood or in a stressful moment.  
There were drawings of his father in there with an angry expression on his face, but also of little kids who were crying. He even drew a picture of Cloe when he saw her sitting in the canteen 3 months ago, eating her lunch silently. It was the very first time he actually got a good look of the girl that his father hated.  
She seemed scared and fragile and it somehow fascinated him in a way. His fingers stroke over the grey lines still staring at the drawing when he noticed Noah coming up to him.

"Still drawing that crazy stuff? Man, you really need to stop that…It's so not…Manly." Noah laughed and grabbed the sketchbook out of Ved's hands and closed it before throwing it on his bed.

"Come on, let's eat something." And he gave him a soft punch on his shoulder before going out of his room. Ved looked at the sketchbook once more, deciding that he would draw something later when he would come back. He sighed and then followed Noah out of his room.

"Cloe! Cloe…" A teacher came running up to her and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder to stop her.  
"O, Good afternoon, Mr. Chase." Cloe smiled at him. She could feel the hungry feeling in her stomach but ignored it and paid attention to Mr. Chase who smiled back at her.

"I would like to talk to you for a few minutes, is that possible?" He asked her, taking his hand off of her shoulders and waiting for her response.

"Err, yeah, sure. Right now?" She asked.

He nodded. "If you would just follow me to my office." He said and walked away with big steps; Cloe had a hard time following him and came out of breath in his office, glad that she could sit.

"What is it that you wanted to talk about Mr. Chase?" She asked him.

"Well, as you know, you are the best student of your year. And same as last time I would like you to give a speech at the Prom that is coming up in a month. Just to motivate the kids to really work on school by letting them know how great they can be in the future if they would just work right now." He smiled brightly at Cloe then coughed and he stood up.

"Would you like something to drink?" He asked her, but Cloe didn't seem to hear him anymore. She remembered last year when she was standing up at the stage, all those people looking at her. She had spotted Patsy, standing in the front staring up at her. She had completely freaked out about it and stuttered her words out after that she ran off the stage, making a complete fool out of herself. She had told herself never to do it again, but now Mr. Chase had asked her to do it she kinda felt like it was her responsibility.

"Cloe?" Mr. Chase got her back to reality and not stood next to her, his hand back on her shoulder.

"Are you ok?" He asked in a gentle tone.  
Cloe stood up a little rushed which caused her knee to bump into Mr. Chase's desk.  
Feeling herself redden she ran a hand through her hair and in a few seconds she stood at the door.

"Yes sure, I would love to. But I have to go now. Bye." She wanted to get out of that room, it felt like the walls were closing in on her and she couldn't get out. She knew she had to do it; there was no way to back out of this. But it didn't mean she wanted it…not at all.

She quickly walked to the canteen and found her spot in the corner again, looking at Ved who was chatting with Noah, he hadn't notice her yet. She rummaged with her fork through her food, suddenly noticing that she wasn't that hungry anymore. She opened her bag and took her notebook out, trying to set the first few lines of her 'prom speech'.

After a few minutes she looked up when she noticed someone standing at her table, she looked up and met Blue-Greyish eyes. She smiled brightly when she noticed who stood in front of her.

"Hey, is it alright with you if we do our thing tonight in my room? I would like to show you something, and maybe ask you something." He smiled at her when she nodded and walked away from her.  
Cloe smiled again and looked back at her notebook, suddenly wondering who Ved would go to the prom with. She could still remember clearly that his date from last year was Tara, a girl who was a year older than him. She clicked the other side of her pen a couple of times before turning back at her text.

After awhile she stood up bringing her plate back by one of the trashcans and walked out of the canteen.  
Suddenly she was pulled at her arm and forcefully being pushed against the wall; a hand flew to her throat and held her tight. Cloe could barely breathe but forced some breathes out and in.  
Her eyes met Patsy's cold ones and squeezed her eyes shut.

"Look at me you FREAK!" Patsy snapped at her, and kept her voice low.  
Cloe opened her eyes and looked at her, it was getting harder and harder to breath so she decided to just listen to whatever Patsy had to say to her and maybe she would let her go soon.

"What?" Cloe managed to choke out.

"Don't use that tone on me you freak." Patsy hissed at her and kneed her in her stomach which made Cloe flinch and she tried to grasp for air that she couldn't get.

"Did Mr Chase ask you for the speech at prom?" She didn't put much force on Cloe's throat anymore so she was able to speak properly back at her.

"How do you know?" Cloe asked her.

"Some things just don't matter, is it true?."  
Cloe could feel Patsy's breath on her face which wasn't pleasant.

"Yes...maybe...I don't know" She tried to turn her head around to avoid Patsy's gaze on her but the grip on her throat tightened again which forced her to still look at her.

"I don't know what you are talking about." She tried to turn her head around to avoid Patsy's gaze on her but the grip on her throat tightened again which forced her to still look at her.

"Don't lie to me! Just like previous year you're gonna mess this one up also. Last year prom was a disaster just because you showed up. I don't want you there." It seemed as if Patsy's eyes were spitting fire.

"Nobody likes you. Not one person in this school wants anything to do with you...nobody wants you at Prom giving that speech, no one listens anyway... Don't show up...or I'll make your life hell" Patsy spat Cloe in her face and kneed her in her stomach more forcefully before finally walking away.

Cloe crumpled to the ground, her face buried in her hands, not wanting to let anybody see that she was crying.  
Patsy had done it again, made her break down again and she just wished she could just do anything to make her stop. She was scared for Patsy's actions if she showed up. All those things Patsy said about her and nobody wanting her, hurt her heart more than anything in the world. But there was nothing she could do about it now, she already said that she would do it. Maybe…just maybe she could go to her room and then…the razor…

She stood up and ran away as fast as she could. Quickly opening her door and the bathroom door and rummaged through her dresser to find no razor. She then remembered that Ved had thrown them all away when he had found her. She bumped her head against her mirror and cried…Then her eyes noticed a scissor which was placed on the dresser. She picked it up and held it against her bare pulse. Wiping the tears out of her eyes.

She had first wanted to do it…she craved for the feeling of the pain on her body, but then she thought of Ved and the way he had looked at her when he had found her the last time. The words he had shouted at her then.

_'You scared the shit out of me! Don't. Ever. Do. That. Again, do you hear me?'_

Another memory popped inside of her head and she heard Ved talk to her again. This time it was when they were outside and she just broke down. 

'_The only way for what Cloe, killing your inner pain by hurting yourself on the outside? That's not the way and you know it. You can stop it, I know you can…you yourself know that you can…you just have to have faith'_

Tears were still flowing out of her eyes and the scissor fell out of her hands. It didn't last a long time until Ved ran into the bathroom…

Ved had waited for her until a few minutes after 7, but she hadn't showed up yet. He didn't think even a second and stood up and ran out of his room. When he reached her room he turned her doorknob and was glad to realize that her door was open. He didn't saw her in her room so the only place left there was her bathroom. He threw the door open and saw the sight of Cloe curled up like a ball against the wall, a scissor lying on the ground.  
She looked up at him with red, teary eyes.

"Did you…?" Ved didn't want to finish his sentence and his eyes shot to her arms where only old scars remained. He crouched down in front of her and held her arm gently, looking at it.

"I couldn't Ved…I couldn't do it anymore...and Patsy…" She almost choked and Ved just stroke her arm, as if he wasn't listening to her.

"Shh…Cloe. It's alright. Everything's alright." He looked at her and pushed a kiss on her forehead before his mouth was placed on her arm and he placed gentle kisses along it, kissing each and every scar, trying to make everything better.

Cloe just closed her eyes and cried, after awhile she noticed Ved picking her up and placing her on her bed. Then he sat next to her, just looking at her. She stared back at him, she had stopped crying a few minutes ago and now she felt Ved softly squeezing her hand. She squeezed back, letting him now that she was alright. He tugged a piece of hair behind her face and his hand lingered there. Suddenly he bent forward and suddenly kissed her, which was first a gentle kiss but when he broke away Cloe's hand reached for him and pulled him back for another kiss. This one more passionate. After a few seconds of staying that way they both broke their kiss to catch up with their breath.

"You don't know what you do to me, you don't even have a clue, you don't know what it's like to be me, looking at you." He softly whispered to her and his hand stroke her cheek slowly.

"But I thought…You needed to figure things out…did you…" Cloe began but she was cut off by Ved's lips to shut her up.

"Is that answer clear enough?" He grinned at her and she nodded before pulling back again in a long sweet kiss. Completely forgetting everything about Patsy, everything felt just perfect right that moment…


End file.
